Choosing My Own Way

Lessons from a Life Outside the Circle

Photo by Simon Hurry on Unsplash

For as long as I can remember, I struggle to find my place. No matter what social group, club, or peer circle I join, I often feel a little out of sync, like I’m speaking a different language than everyone around me. It’s not that I don’t try to fit in—I do. But there’s always a part of me that feels like I’m standing outside, looking in through a window.

As I get older, I’m learning that this sense of not belonging—of never quite fitting into the mold—has its own value. I used to see it as a flaw, something that held me back from connection. Now, I see that this unique path has fostered a resilience and self-reliance within me that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Still, I am human, and the journey of fully accepting this truth is ongoing.

The Loneliness of Feeling Out of Place

There’s a unique kind of loneliness that comes with feeling like you don’t belong. It’s the feeling of being surrounded by people yet still feeling like an outsider. I keep trying to fit into different social groups, clubs, and activities, hoping to find my place. But no matter where I go, there’s always a sense that I just don’t quite match the rhythm of those around me.

It’s not that people aren’t kind or welcoming—they often are. But there’s a difference between being included and truly belonging. I watch as others click effortlessly, sharing jokes and inside references, while I struggle to find my footing in the conversation.

Finding Strength in Independence

Over time, feeling out of place has taught me how to be strong on my own. Without a close-knit peer group to lean on, I navigate my path independently, learning to be my own support system. I’m figuring out how to pick myself up when I feel down, encourage myself when I feel uncertain, and keep moving forward even when the road feels lonely.

In these moments of solitude, I discover what I’m capable of. I set goals, not because I have people cheering me on, but because I want to prove to myself that I can achieve them. I’m learning to be okay with being different, with standing out rather than blending in. And most importantly, I’m learning to find joy in my own company—a journey I’m still on as an adult.

Resilience Through Adversity

A certain toughness develops when you have to rely on yourself, and that toughness has become one of my greatest assets. It makes me resilient in the face of challenges, willing to keep going even when the odds are stacked against me. I don’t crumble easily because I already know what it means to stand alone.

Of course, there are times when I long for the kind of peer support that others seem to enjoy. I wish for a friend group where I can feel fully understood, where I can let my guard down without fear of judgment. But I’ve realized that these experiences of feeling out of place also give me a deep sense of empathy. I know what it’s like to feel like you don’t belong, and I know the power of a kind word or gesture to someone who’s feeling that way.

Photo by Michaël Hanssen on Unsplash

Why Not Fitting In Is Not a Flaw

It’s taken me a long time to realize that not fitting in doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me. It doesn’t mean that I’m broken or missing something essential. In fact, it’s a sign that I’m carving out a unique path, one that isn’t confined by the expectations of others.

Being an outsider has its advantages. It allows me to see things from a different perspective, to question the status quo, and to think outside the box. It gives me the freedom to be unapologetically myself, without feeling the pressure to conform to the norms of any particular group.

Embracing the Strength of Standing Apart—Then and Now

Now, when I look back on all those years of feeling like I didn’t belong, I don’t see them as times of failure or rejection. I see them as the foundation of my strength. These experiences teach me to be resourceful, to trust my own voice, and to value my individuality. They teach me that it’s okay to stand apart—that sometimes, it’s the very thing that makes me different that becomes my greatest strength.

Even as an adult, I’m still learning this lesson. There are moments when I wonder if it would be easier to blend in, to adapt myself to a group. But I remind myself that being different isn’t a flaw—it’s a part of who I am and how I contribute to the world. And I’m grateful for it.

Celebrating the Outsider Within

So, if you find yourself struggling to fit into a group, a scene, or a social circle, remember this: You don’t have to fit into anyone else’s box. You don’t have to change who you are to be accepted. You can thrive by embracing your differences and building a life that feels right for you. Because the world needs people who are willing to stand out, who are willing to question, create, and imagine. The world needs people like you.

And as we head into November, I’m excited to remind you about our November Self-Care Challenge starting on November 4th! This challenge is all about embracing self-care, grounding ourselves, and reflecting on our journeys. I’d love for you to join me and our community as we take time each day for ourselves. Keep an eye out for the first email, and let’s make this a month of self-discovery and growth—together.